Scientific Relationship Counseling

Marriage Counseling

Many marriages are troubled with conflict and become a source of pain instead of love and happiness. At Inner Life Science, we work with couples through marriage counseling in individual and joint sessions in order to resolve relationship and marriage problems. Initial sessions of marriage counseling or couples counseling involve working with one partner at a time. After some headway has been made individually, joint sessions are encouraged.

In these sessions, we focus on the following:

An improved understanding of oneself and one’s partner:

When in a difficult relationship, we are often too distressed to understand not only the opposite person but even our own behavior. We often experience this when for example, we have a sudden aggressive outburst and later on wonder what led to it. Hence, this is one of the first steps towards a healthier relationship.

Gaining insight into each other’s personality differences, needs and expectations:

This of course is understandably a core area of focus. Often in a troubled marriage, conflicts occur not because we do not intend well, but because both partners have different emotional needs. Our needs and expectations are active all the time. It is essential for us to appreciate each other’s needs and also understand where incompatibilities arise.

Developing better communication skills:

Successful communication is when the sender and the receiver of the message perceive the same intent behind it. It often becomes difficult to achieve this when we are in a state of conflict and damages the relationship further. We therefore focus on active listening, assertive communication and other such skills. Moreover, we coach both partners to communicate effectively even during an argument, to prevent escalation of conflict.

Learning problem-solving and conflict resolution strategies:

These strategies are coping skills that enable one to manage the situation better when either one person is undergoing a negative emotion or has incompatible expectations. Reducing catastrophization and introducing more objectivity into the situation often relieves a good deal of stress in itself.

In sum, we do our best to help both partners envision the healthy relationship they want to be in and work towards creating and sustaining it. Although our key focus is the relationship, addressing self-growth and self-enhancement in each partner is inevitable as achieving comfort with oneself is the first step towards achieving comfort in relationships.

We also offer sex therapy for couples and individuals.

Often, distress in relationships could be linked with sexual concerns. Sex therapy can help address concerns about sexual function, sexual feelings and intimacy — either individually or in joint therapy with your partner.

Sex Therapy

As much as 57% of men and 64% of women in the Asia Pacific region are not very satisfied with their sex lives, reveals an Asia Pacific survey conducted in India and 12 other countries.

The Psychological Basis of Sex

Sexuality is part of what makes us human. Even though its fundamental function is to help procreate and guarantee survival of the species, sex goes far beyond this. Like physical needs, people also have some core psychological needs- such as security, self-esteem, autonomy, and connection. To be satisfied, happy beings, you strive to fulfil these needs consistently through various ways. Sex is one of these ways. Through evolution, as humans, you have actually evolved to relate sex more to your psychological needs than physical needs.

We have learnt to relate it to emotional connection, attachment in relationships and our sense of self-esteem. It produces joy, comfort, love, affection and ecstasy. Our physiological sex drive has now been intimately linked to our emotions, thoughts and behaviour. When you suppress these needs, they come rushing back as sexual difficulties that represent underlying emotional issues.

Thus, for many people sex is not a satisfying and fulfilling experience- but one that comes laced with feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, guilt, sorrow, resentment. These emotional barriers could be due to traumatic experiences, influence by the media, your family or even religion. Sexual problems can also surface as a product of another mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety, or they may be derived from physical conditions, such as bowel problems, chemical imbalances or changing hormonal levels. It becomes imperative then to explore and understand these difficulties and work with them in a compassionate, effective setting.

What is Sex Therapy?

Sex therapy is a form of therapy which helps the individual work with a range of physical and psychological sexual issues. This therapy is generally sought when there is no clear medical/physiological cause for these issues. Through sex therapy, you can address concerns about sexual function, sexual feelings and intimacy — either in individual therapy or in joint therapy with your partner. It helps individuals and couples identify the source of their distress and work with emotional barriers in order to enhance sexual experiences. Sex therapy can be effective for adults of any age, sex or sexual orientation.

Sex Therapy is generally required in three major areas:

1) Individual problems about sex: This could include doubts about sex, sexual dysfunction, sexual preferences and questions about your own sexuality.

2) Sexual problems entangled in relationships: This could be due to lack of intimacy, different levels of sexual desire, power struggles, etc. It is usually in combination with marital/relationship therapy.

3) Trauma: This involves childhood abuse or neglect, previous abusive experiences in relationships, difficulty feeling connected or trusting anyone.

Need to Book an Appointment for Sex Therapy?

What does Sex Therapy involve?

In these sessions, we will be focusing on certain areas:

• What are the core issues?Are they physical or psychological?
• For how long have these issues been persisting?
• What are the possible direct or indirect reasons for these issues?
• Is it an individual concern or do both the partners feel that there is something sexual lacking in the partnership?
• Gaining insight into your own and your partner’s differences, needs and expectations.
• Learning the art of talking about sex with each other.
• Talking about openness to new experiences.
• Working with certain unhealthy beliefs and attitudes towards sex.
• To understand the joys of sex and to give it some priority in your relationship.

Sex therapy looks into both individual and joint responsibilities in the relationship. This is to bring in focus both individual and the partner’s needs, providing a more holistic framework for therapy.

What are the benefits of Sex Therapy?

“The obvious thing is that you’re dealing with the human body so you can’t just talk about how you feel; you’ve got to work on the physical level as well,” says sex therapist, Myles.

Sex therapy generally addresses the emotional issues underlying sexual problems and employs behavioural techniques to deal with the physical symptoms:

On an individual level:

• Helps you become aware of your sexual preferences and sexuality.
• Working with and addressing doubts or questions you might have.
• Helps to get you in tune with your body.
• Learn to work with stress and anxiety about sex.
• Identifying underlying emotional issues and feelings of guilt, sadness or anger that might be present.
• Coping with sexual dysfunctions such as difficulty achieving orgasms or pain during intercourse.
• Working with sexual addictions or fetishes.
• Becoming comfortable with sex and developing a healthy attitude towards it.
• Equiping you with techniques or resources to work on these issues.
• Cultivating a beginner’s mindset and enjoying physical intimacy.

As a couple:

• Honest and open communication between partners.
• Achieving a balance between sexual and emotional intimacy.
• Working through issues in infidelity.
• Learning to value the physical relationship.
• Working with adjustment problems pre-marriage or for newly-weds.
• Rediscovering your sex life after child-birth.

What is the Role of the Sex Therapist?

A sex therapist can be a psychologist, a marriage and family therapist, or a clinical social worker. Most sex therapists have a particular awareness of sexuality that rises above personal opinion or personal experiences. Different therapists use different approaches to work with the problem. Largely though, a sex therapist follows this process:

• Identifies your areas of concern: a detailed personal history focusing on your childhood, family, relationship history, current relationship, your understanding of sex, etc.
• Will often provide education about pertinent sexual issues, including anatomy, physical response, and healthy sexual behavior.
• Will guide you and help you work through issues by talk therapy, behavioural exercises, relaxation and mindfulness and will give you                                                                                                                             homework that might involve behavioural or sensation exercises.

• Does not engage in sexual relations or carry out sexual activities with the individual or couple under any circumstances.

We know that sexual energy is powerful- it can affect your mood, thoughts and behaviour. Discussing your issues with family, friends or sometimes even partners can be uncomfortable and evoke feelings of guilt, anxiety and frustration. Approaching a sex therapist means providing yourself with a liberating space and an avid listener who is there to talk about any difficulties, fantasies, fears, memories, or desires regarding sexuality.